| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|10:55 pm] |
some jerk (as a joke or for other purposes) temporarily got on my lj and myspace via either getting on my computer or finding out my password. they put up weird shit everywhere apparently and even added friends, sent myspace e-mails, and joined drug communities making comments here and there. i'm trying to take it all down.
for the record:
i am not really publically active on lj and haven't been for a long while. i mostly use it - if at all - for private entries and icon surfing. i have changed my passwords and deleted any friends/communities i did not join on both myspace and lj and hopefully that will be that.
if you're on my friends list and i haven't deleted you, that means i actually added you. so no worries there.
this was not funny. it was ANNOYING. and without some weird e-mail from someone claiming things on some community could get me arrested, i wouldn't be so pissed.
thank you, whoever you are. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2007|01:35 pm] |
I put some of my music up on myspace and I thought I'd tell my lj people considering I prefer you to myspace. :-p
www.myspace.com/iammyowndj
if you like it and you have myspace, feel free to add me/comment or something! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|12:41 pm] |
Hell to the yeh!
| You Should Date A Japanese Guy! | 
You're an interesting blend of traditonal and modern
And a Japanese guy is likely to be on your wavelength
Maybe you'll show your love by dying your hair the same color
Or get married in a traditional white kimono! |
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| breaking down buildings |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|10:12 am] |
So, they're done. And now it's on to packing day. Everything here seems so dreary I just want to lie in my bed and do nothing other than prep for NYC.
I can't explain how hard the past 24 hours has been for me. And, I can't explain why. All I know is that this livejournal is going private and if you aren't on the list anymore, I'm sorry. I don't feel like hiding things at all, but I just don't trust some people now and I really think I've lost faith in some of the stability that I had.
So, if you make the cut, I cheer for you! :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2006|06:08 am] |
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let's not fail our japanese final today, no? |
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| gong li/school woe |
[Mar. 15th, 2006|02:04 pm] |
sometimes i think i love gong li so much because she always creates this past for her characters. they always seem a bit tortured by what has happened before you even see them. and to me that is brilliance. if you can feel a character without everything spelled out at you than it's an amazing talent.
so as far as life goes...i'm really tired. i possibly screwed up my chances to go to the one school i really want to, and that's egging at me. and there is always the matter of everything else... |
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| well, happy fuckin wednesday! |
[Mar. 15th, 2006|08:07 am] |
if you know me at all, you know the worst thing to me is feeling lied to. if i feel lied to i immediately retreat into a really bad place. i don't even think most of it is anger at all, but it seems to come out that way. and the statement, "cat can be like that" really is stupid because none of you know what's going on in my head and none of you will.
yeh, i can be like "that" if "that" means that i actually react to something instead of swallowing it like baseballs. i'm not about to be unresponsive to something that is weird and upsetting.
so both of my best friends have been talking and that's fine. and, they've been flirting, and that's fine...even though i've practically had sex with one of them and i used to be in a three year relationship with the other. i really can handle all of that. like, if they ran off together even i could handle it because i want my friends to be happy.
but, hiding is not fine. and lying is not fine. and don't stuff behind my back in such a weird situation is not fine.
and frankly, right now, i feel like i don't have them as friends. i am really happy one of them felt the need to finally tell me. that was kind of her. but, jesus christ! "cat can be like that." fuck off. you'd be like that too. if it was toby or if it was tori or miranda or marty or someone. you'd be like that.
so don't look at me like i'm a bitch or crazy. and, don't lie to me.
In peace we can make many of them ignore good and evil entirely; in danger, the issue is forced upon them in a guise to which even we cannot blind them. There is here a cruel dilemma before us. If we promoted justice and charity among men, we should be playing directly into the Enemy's hands; but if we guide them to the opposite behaviour, this sooner or later produces (for He permits it to produce) a war or a revolution, and the undisguisable issue of cowardice or courage awakes thousands of men from moral stupor. This, indeed, is probably one of the Enemy's motives for creating a dangerous world-a world in which moral issues really come to the point. He sees as well as you do that courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point, which means, at the point of highest reality. A chastity or honesty, or mercy, which yields to danger will be chaste or honest or merciful only on conditions. Pilate was merciful till it became risky. -C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters |
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| my cup runeth over |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|12:04 pm] |
ok, i'm about to do the entries that i hate when other people do, so brace yourself...
i am so in love it is like a swimming under water and being able to breathe. it is calm and fascinating and completely encompassing. and i have no problem with just floating around in it and enjoying every bit i can.
i had this peace once a very long time ago that i never thought i'd have again. i actually used to wish i would have died then so nothing else would have happened and it would have just been that moment and that reality forever. it was the only peace i'd ever had and up until my isabelle. she is that moment and she continues on and on like that moment could not. she is better than all of that.
and in this meteor shower that is life i think i've found a moment to breathe and smile and dive into forever.
i thought i should post the poem i wrote about that moment i had years ago...
ochre
the penumbra
ochre as silent
as my moment under water
i opened my eyes
and you were there
somewhere close
i felt your root
growing in movement
under every step
the sound tongueless
but essence nonetheless
i soft-pedaled
the soft petal
you concieved in me
at night, til dawn
we spoke of energy
cyclones and whirlwinds
of lightning
and mystic seams
between two collapsed
hearts
eons ago
the ochre moment
you lapsed, left behind
forgot
everything
i dwell
even when i die
in my most perfect moment
i could have
would have
should have
drowned that day
and then the one i just wrote...
moon showers
orange and yellow and white gladious
lined up like forest hills
and you know i used to fall there
hard into the ground
and to grow like seeds
underneath everything
i used to be a part of something
black
and born into itself
but grey and white and black gladious
never suited me
and then the point came
where i swam too far out
and my shins were split in two
the water growing in my lungs
and away from the forest
to the black lagoon
where i floated in perpetual darkness
lit not even by a moon
and there with glowing specks
la luna showers me with rain
that adds the color to this place
and i'm swimming again
oh, my moon, my bee hive
for the charmer
my rows and rows of bell tulips
and twilight fish underneath my feet
and forests lined with weeping willows
nothing is blood
and nothing is frightening
under the lamp, the light
the reason why i can start to breathe
under water or under shadows
i am still me
and there is no night
and there is no night when there is a moon
and there is no night when there is you |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2006|09:35 am] |
like sharp knives
i have nothing to give you
except for tiny scars
that will grow into shelves
of boxes of knives
you cannot play with
i am here, but not here
and underneath all of that
i am breaking
you rest your head upon the shoulder
of a ghost
that sleeps on beds of nails
and perfectly placed money
to buy more shiny things
to buy more
and to never stop
but to die on my own
[i fear i have nothing to give, so i give nothing] |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2006|10:16 am] |
I wish laser shows weren't so late at night and all the way downtown. I want to go see Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon in honor of Naomi. Nevertheless, it's all the way downtown and every time I go downtown I get drunk and I do not want to end up having to drive my ass back here again like last week. Thirty minutes of sheer torture.
Anyway, I need a designated driver but I doubt I could talk Tori into going to see a laser show on a Friday night. Not sober.
So, what else to do? All the movies out suuuck and I can't afford Civilization 4 right now. I guess I could continue to do the Buffy marathon. We're on episode 3 of season 1. So, yes, it has all just begun! mwahahaha
Uhh...finals are next week. Man, I suck and am completely incapable of not sucking this quarter. Ohwell...
Babbers, remember when we went to Disney World and we ran around spraying each other with those water fans? How we ended up in Epcot's sea of countries like two nerds fascinated? How beautiful that Chinese garden was and how inside they had all of this art? Or, how we went on that water rafting ride one too many times and my legs were like lobsters so I had to turn the other direction in the shower because it burned so bad? And, how all of this was so good that we never wanted to leave?
Let's go to Disney World! Screw everything else! Come onnnnn! |
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| weird dream |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|07:10 am] |
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I had this dream where I was going to some posh private school that had amazing buildings all around. Some of us were staying in trailers by this canal that was being drained. There was this sowing shop I frequented run by these old ladies who could hardly speak English. And, at one point or another I guess I started doing junk which I was trying to hide from everyone. Then Katherine Duncan was there and convinced that I was doing drugs. So, I was running around with this one girl, and everybody was like, "It's okay Katherine, she's with Laney." And, Katherine said, "What does Laney look like?" And they told her she had blonde hair and she was really pretty and Kathy somehow knew her from the past and freaked out that Laney was a heroin addict. So, she came to me and told me she knew I was doing it, but that she loved me and she wanted me to stop. We ended up having sex in the back of the sowing shop, and then I ditched her to go hang out with Laney. On my way there I saw the skyline and every building had a slope in it and it made me dizzy so I tumbled down a hill. And, suddenly there were two blimps in the sky and I could see the people riding in them. The blimps lined up with one another and started to dive down and back up and then a third blimp followed. I shot up with Laney and showed back up at my trailer where we were getting deliveries of a bunch of other people's stuff including this very old violin of my cousin Anna's which I told myself not to drop and then I dropped it in the canal. I grabbed it and pulled it up and all of a sudden this yellow sky formed and it started to get really hot and to rain. I went inside of the trailer and three people were just chilling in it. They looked at me and said, "We know where you've been." And, I said, "It's raining." |
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| good morn, all! |
[Mar. 7th, 2006|08:12 am] |
Last night is a blur, and I'm still a bit high from my 2am smoke-a-thon. I don't want to go to school, but it's the week before finals and I really should. Japanese I could probably skip without feeling too bad, but my other two classes I can't so I may as well go to all of them. Which makes me furious! I just want to rest!
I have been emotionally exhausted lately. Pulled one way or another. And, I really want some good, calm peace and quiet. I am stupid though and seem to continue to create chaos.
...all i know...is...that...i'm...sleepy... |
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| and on with the random |
[Mar. 6th, 2006|12:28 pm] |
so, last night stayed sober MOST of the night. congratulations to me. won 2 dollars from bas in our oscar betting pool. yes, i rock. then i got stoned and passed out on my bed trying to think of god knows what.
so bas had a dream me, naomi, zooey, and her went sailing in pretty clothes. nice. i want that dream!
anyway, so today school was a blur. i have tons to do but i don't think i'll do any of it. i'm so responsible that way. hoping to go out with somebody tonight. we'll see.
i love kool-aid!
did i mention i love my izzikins? well, i do. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|07:46 am] |
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i would just like to say, happy birthday to myself. :-P i hope today is an awesome day. i really need a very good day to pick me up. and what better day than february 28th (sans 1983)! i hope everyone else has a good day too! |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|05:48 am] |
ok, convinced that i am being haunted. i wrote this song for my roommate's friend who recently killed herself, and i left it open on my computer all night. i come back and there's something added to the song at the bottom that i would never add:
meme caboozo
pile into my butt
duke it out my ass
is grass
the fire penetrates my ass and burns
like grass or nazi books
what the hell is THAT? and, all i can hope is that kathi or tori came into my room when i was practically comatose and added that.
first of all, it's highly disrespectful. so, if i am being haunted i really have no idea what that means. secondly, if it was tori or kathi i'm going to kick their asses because its totally wrong to have written that at the end of that song.
it's freaking me out...badly...and it's making me angry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 24th, 2006|01:10 pm] |
apparently i do a few things well:
smoke weed
mix drinks
play guitar
fuck like a rabbit
drive
be there for my friends
be a smartass
fail school
yeh, i do those things WELL. too bad none of them are gonna get me into college. |
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| randomness 298734957 |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|03:31 pm] |
folks, babbers cut my hair......and i LOVE it. its so cute! just so you know.
and taylor has me craving maple candies... |
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| early morning island trip |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|06:58 am] |
So...what is happening now? I woke up super early and my bed still looks comfy. It's just sitting there to my right calling me. BALI HAI!
Speaking of Bali Ha'i...I really want to go to an island. Preferably St. Thomas. I love being there. I love the colors and the smell and the people and the iguanas even (and I don't really like reptiles at all.) I love the beach and the water and the gorgeous hills rolling everywhere. I love that it's really poor in parts because I feel more at home that way.
I suppose when you grow up super poor - up until I was about 9 - you find yourself more akin to the poor. It's not like you sympathize with them in that way really. It's just like, "WELCOME HOME!" or something.
Anyways, yes, me on an island. Right now it's still blue outside from being early...and it's cold. And, I'm so thankful for the ocean here, I really am, but I actually hardly go and see it. I think having to be there day in and day out for a month for a 3 hour marine biology class put me off. Not off of the ocean, just off of the boredom I'd have to endure looking at it outside of a window.
So, yeh, I'm gonna go play my guitar. If anyone wants to donate guitars they don't use no matter what condition, please feel free to contact me!
Oh, speaking of contacts... FORT KANJI, I got your e-mail. I'm sorry I haven't e-mailed you back but I'm not very good at that. You can message me though on MSN at blackberryteas@hotmail.com. :)
And, that goes for you too Miss Taylor. |
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